As Good As It Gets

Long time, no see

2006-02-27T16:27:00.000Z

As I write this, I'm sitting at a desk in an office on my first day as a trainee reporter at my local newspaper. I responded to an advert in the newspaper itself and was thankfully successful. I figured I may as well go for it. Experience is key in this profession. A degree might help, but it wouldn't make me anything special what with the hundreds of thousands of other students who'd be graduating at the same time as me. I may as well get my foot in the door now and complete my degree in my own time. The Open University do a good course. So it's goodbye Leeds and the disappointing student life, hello to my hometown and the start of a paid career!

I'm really glad I went for this job. My first day's been satisfactory. I've only been given bits and bobs to write up and been a bit bored at times with nothing to do, but there's nowhere I'd rather be working or studying. I get to go to court with the news editor tomorrow which should be fun!

I'm just coming to terms with a really devastating week where I unfortunately lost a very close relative. I miss granny every day and will never stop thinking of her. I'm just trying to busy myself and focus on my career and relationship. I have to be strong for my family.

Working 9 to 5?

2005-11-21T19:19:00.000Z

Sometimes, when I'm unsuccessfully trying to concoct some witty piece of 'writing', I start to feel down and lose belief in myself and my future career. I tell myself to be strong and learn to accept constructive criticism, but it's hard not to believe that my talent is non-existent and I'll always have to struggle to find the right words, while I watch them roll freely from the tongues of other, more eminent and distinguished beings. I begin to resign myself to the fact that I'll be stuck as an under-paid, over-worked employee in a mundane, menial job for the rest of my life. I'll clock in at 9, clock out at 5. Have tea on the table for my husband when he comes home from work, do the dishes, talk meaninglessly with my family about their equally banal days, settle down in front of the TV and religiously absorb the same humdrum TV schedules, shaking my head in pity at the news stories telling tales of the poor, the poverty-stricken, the ill and the disastrous, while inwardly cursing the day I gave up on my dream to compile and write such news stories myself.

I don't want that life. I see so many adults settling for what they have rather than chasing their dreams. So many people existing day to day through the same plodding and insipid lifestyles, structured by rigid regularity, without questioning their lives, wondering whether they can better themselves and if so, determinedly deciding to do it. Nobody embraces life, embraces spontaneity, passion, fun. I want to embrace those things. I want to live my dream, even if it means working irregular hours and having little or no sleep. Don't get me wrong; I'd rather work to live than live to work. My family would always come first. But isn't it a bonus to say that you love your job? How many people can say that they love Monday mornings, getting up at the crack of dawn and heading off to work? I want to be able to say that.

That's why I don't give up on my dream. That's why I keep writing in the face of adversity and refuse to take criticism like a man. I want this. I'm rarely passionate about anything in life, but love and writing are two things that manage to brew up an immense amount of passion within me, and I can never turn my back on either of them.

Decision final.

2005-11-10T22:44:00.000Z

I think the picture to the left might soon be relevant to me and I can't wait 'til it is.

I know I probably sound hugely melodramatic but there've been few times in my life when I've felt lower and more dejected than I do now. Nothing here is as I expected it to be. I'm not happy. When I go home or visit Ian I never want to come back, so I've finally decided to move back to my glorious home town. All I have to do is brave the manager's office to enquire about going home and then pack up my things.

I'm so relieved to have finally come to a decision. It feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can assuredly relax. The penny ultimately dropped when I was at home this weekend for both my dad's birthday and my baby sister's christening. I went out for two really nice nights with my family and felt so comfortable and wanted. Ian managed to drum into my head the fact that I'd be happier at home and people actually want me to go back. I miss them, they miss me. Decision final.

The rest of my life seems to be flowing quite nicely at the moment. My relationship with Ian keeps going from strength to strength. He never ceases to amaze me. The time we spend together is constantly fulfilling and I never want it to end.

Uni's going ok. I'm just trying to get my head down, do the work and hopefully enjoy it. I'm also trying to do more writing in my spare time so I get into the habit. The only downside is that it often distracts me from my studies!

18 Random Facts

2005-10-25T18:32:00.000+01:00

I realised that I've never done a proper introduction, so I thought I'd do something to enable you to get to know me a bit better. (stolen from Little Red Boat)

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1. I'm 18 years old, which is why I decided to write 18 facts instead of a nice round number like 20 (plus 18 means I have 2 less facts to think of!).

2. I met my boyfriend on the internet. Some people find this really weird but it's honestly not as sinister as it might sound! We met on a well-known teenage profile site and chatted by email and phone for over a year before we met in person, so it wasn't like we were complete strangers. And the moment we met was the greatest and most significant moment of my life <3

3. I hate confrontation. If anyone criticises me, shouts at me or talks down to me, I'm likely to cry.

4. I'm watching Hollyoaks as I write this. It's one of my guilty pleasures.

5. I'm a people-pleaser and a big worrier. I strive to make everyone happy and often forget about myself in the process.

6. I've got naturally ginger hair (though I prefer to describe it as 'red' or 'auburn'!) and I'm only just starting to become proud of it. As I'm sure most redheads do, I felt quite uncomfortable with my looks when I was younger and I became increasingly aware of the fact that I'm in a minority. I started putting blonde highlights into my hair when I was about 14 and only recently decided to go natural again. I want to be proud of who I am.

7. I've always wanted to be a journalist, or a writer of some kind. Unfortunately this desire was put on the backburner last year when I decided I might try teaching instead. This was because I witnessed a talk about the undergraduate journalism course at the University of Sheffield which stressed that a strong will and shed-loads of talent are essential in such a competitive business. This led me to the conclusion that maybe I'm not cut out to be a writer after all. However, I am no longer willing to have such a defeatist attitude!

8. I'm struggling to think of things to fill this list! I don't see myself as a very interesting person.

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Edit (11.39pm):

9: I had a very active imagination as a child. In particular, I had two male imaginary friends who used to do everything and go everywhere with me! I don't remember what they looked like anymore but they apparently used to be very vivid to me, so much so that my mum thought I could see ghosts.

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Edit (next day 12.59pm):

10. I love being lazy and sleeping in on weekdays, waking up to the joy that is daytime TV. Nothing beats The Wright Stuff, Trisha and Loose Women!

11. I style myself as a nice family-oriented girl, but the fact is that I don't make much of an effort to speak to any relatives other than my parents and brother. The last time I properly saw my nanna was on my birthday at the beginning of July (though to be fair I did write her a letter a couple of weeks ago because I felt so guilty).

12. I'm rubbish at throwing things away (no pun intended!). I'm a very sentimental person and I like to hang on to all sorts of things, like old teddies, cinema and train tickets, letters and a pressed daffodil which is now very brown and shrivelled.

13. My parents split up twice when I was in my teens, and finally divorced shortly after my 17th birthday. The first split was awful and I'll never forget the gut-wrenching devastation I felt when I left my dad on his own in his new flat for the first time. However, the second split didn't bother me very much. Maybe it was because I was older and more mature, or simply because I was sick of the shouting, bickering and palpable tension in the house.

14. I went through a bit of a party animal phase last year, but now I don't care if I don't go out very much and I'm not even that keen on the taste of alcohol. I like quiet nights in, trips to the cinema or a quiet drink in the pub. Maybe it's my old age!

15. I'm a dog person, so much more so than a cat person, and I absolutely adore my dog RJ :-) But I'm sick of people reminding me that he's 'getting old'. I want him to live forever.

16. I'm jealous of my boyfriend's strength. He'll probably jump up and vehemently deny this, but he's been through a lot and, like it or not, he's got through it and come out the other end with a smile of his face. I'm really proud of him and I wish I possessed such an admirable quality.

17. I love to shop, but only when I have plenty of money to spend! Window shopping depresses me. I wish I could pull off some of the trendier, more outrageous styles of the moment, but I'm more of a down-to-earth, high street gal myself.

18. I owe a lot to acting. Pursuing the subject of drama at GCSE and A level helped me immensely in combatting my shyness and becoming more confident in myself when interacting with other people.

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I did it! :-)

If at first you don't succeed...

2005-10-25T08:45:00.000+01:00

What have I got myself into?! For the next issue of LiMe I have to try and get an interview with Chris Moyles or a member of the breakfast show team when they come to Leeds to switch on the Christmas lights next Monday. Ever tried contacting Radio 1? It's near-impossible! I've emailed twice, text once and rung three times so far but no luck. But you know what they say: if at first you don't succeed, try and try again!

Enjoy The Silence

2005-10-23T20:39:00.000+01:00

"All I ever wanted, all I never needed is here in my arms... Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm..."

I've been thinking about my boyfriend a lot lately. He's in Cyprus with his family 'til Wednesday night and I miss him like crazy. Since he's been gone, I've had three days where I haven't even heard his voice. We've been keeping in touch with regular texts, but it's not the same. It feels like a part of me's missing. We've been together for almost nine months, and we've spoken on the phone every single day for an average of about an hour each time. Not talking to him feels so wrong!

I'm about to sound really soppy, but I've been thinking about how much he means to me. I really don't know where I'd be without him. He's influenced my life in more ways than he knows. He's changed me and I love everything about him. I can't stand us not being together. I know I'm only young, but I'm certain I've found the person I'm meant to spend my life with.

He's all I've been thinking about lately. I've been home since Wednesday night and have just returned to Leeds. Home sweet home... I like the space and freedom I get here, but it's not home.

I've been thinking about my career a lot lately too. I went to a media training day at Newcastle University on Friday. It was organised for student journalists by the NUS. It was really useful and gave me lots of tips for the uni magazine, but it also allowed me to get the opinions of professional journalism experts. Apparently a degree is worth zilch in this industry because it's so common. Today, everyone's a graduate. So what I need to do is get plenty of work experience. If I manage to build up a big fat cuttings book displaying all my published work, it'll set me apart from the thousands of other degree-holders. I'm determined to break my way into journalism and I'm gonna put my heart and soul into getting there.

Not gonna quit just yet

2005-10-17T00:29:00.000+01:00

I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm gonna stick it out here for another couple of months, maybe 'til Christmas. If I'm still lonely by then, I'll go home. I don't even care about the first rent instalment I'll have lost, it was paid for by the Student Loans Company after all. But anyway, we'll see how things go. I'm not a huge fan of my flatmates, but surely there are other people who can be my friends... Maybe I'm lonely because I don't have much to do, but if I get a job and get involved in some extra-curricular activity or other, perhaps I'll feel more comfortable here. I don't know. All I do know is that I can't carry on like this, being too nervous to go into the kitchen and eat my own food because my flatmates are in there and I'm too shy, nervous or whatever. Things need to change.

Should I stay or should I go?

2005-10-13T19:19:00.000+01:00

Pros of staying:
* Gain independence
* Chance to fend for myself
* Chance to come out of my shell and meet new people

Pros of going home:
* Buy a car and commute, gaining more independence to go wherever I want (though I've got a railcard for train discounts, so would it be wise to get a car..?)
* Closer to family, my baby sister and my dog
* Feel more comfortable and 'at home'

Crisis talks are to take place over the next few days!

Loneliness

2005-10-12T19:48:00.000+01:00

I seem to be becoming increasingly lonely as the weeks go by, which isn't what I expected. I thought things would get better, but I still can't seem to feel comfortable here. I'm seriously debating the idea of going home, buying a car and commuting to university. I don't want to do that; I want to stick it out and not be a quitter. But I'm finding it harder than I thought I would. I feel like the odd one out just because I don't fit the typical student stereotype of wanting to go out on the pull and get pissed every night of the week. I'd much rather go for a drink, have something to eat or watch a film. Or how about, Heaven forbid, actually staying in, getting a take-away or something and having a chat? No-one here seems to be on my wavelength and there's hardly anyone to talk to about how I'm feeling. I'm getting sick and tired of being made to feel like I'm the odd one out, as if I'm in the wrong for not being like everyone else. And I hate having to put a brave face on things when friends ask how uni's going, and then tell me that their flatmates are like their best friends now and they go out together every single night.

Luckily I have an amazing boyfriend who's there to get me through anything. It's just when I'm on my own, things are hard.

"Death is freedom, life is a lesson"

2005-10-10T22:03:00.000+01:00

I know I'm probably a bit behind and everyone will have already experienced what I'm about to describe, probably over a year before I did, but last night I watched 'The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off' on channel 4. It was on at midnight, and I saw the last 30 minutes or so before going to bed. It was one of the most profound and moving experiences of my life. I've never been touched so deeply as I was when I saw that programme last night. As Ian said, Jonny Kennedy is the kinda guy people should be looking up to, not the Britney's and Jude's of the world. They're just famous people, they shouldn't be treated like these amazing idols who can do no wrong. Jonny is the most courageous, inspirational individual I've ever had the fortune to come across. His attitudes to life and death are awe-inspiring. I am and always have been exceptionally afraid of death and the unknown. Talking about death, especially in the dark stillness of night-time, terrifies me. Ok, so I'm (hopefully) years away from experiencing life's end (*touch wood*), but the thought still fills me with dread and fear. I cry when the D-word is mentioned. But I'm beginning to change my attitude towards death, simply because of Jonny's words. He knew he was going to die but he wasn't fazed about it in the slightest. He didn't even seem downhearted about his imminent loss of the companionship of his family and friends. He seemed more concerned for their welfare than for his own, and wanted them to realise that he was just going to a new place and would probably see him again sometime in the future.

Jonny's humorous approach to life's main taboo subject stretched so far that, while selecting his own coffin with the funeral director, he asked for an image of a Heinz baked beans can to be carved into the wood, just to get people talking. He wanted to distract people from their sadness and encourage them to appreciate the life Jonny led in all its glory. He was a fun-loving, exuberant, mischievous character who deserves to be celebrated. He is a true inspiration and his story moved me to tears.

Lonely

2005-10-10T11:43:00.000+01:00

Source: PostSecret

How true is that..?

The Hit List

2005-10-10T00:47:00.000+01:00

I love spending time with my boyfriend, and one of our favourite things to do together is watch crappy films and then criticise them. We like to pretend we're the experts you see.

'The Hole' - 2001
We watched this a couple of months ago when E4 decided to show it every night for a whole week. Our verdict? Don't bother. While this film may pride itself on being unique and out of the ordinary, it tries too hard to be different. What should be an interesting, engaging plot turns out to be too disjointed and boring. The advertising portrayed the film as a quirky, alternative horror movie, seemingly aimed at a new generation. Instead we, as part of this generation, sat through the film wondering what was going on. Decent performances from Keira Knightley and Thora Birch, but we wouldn't say the film was really worth any more than a fleeting glance.

'Roadkill' ('Joy Ride' in the US) - 2001
I think this film is great for a bit of mindless entertainment, but in terms of credibility it doesn't score very highly. The ending in particular is very frustrating! I'd like to see a sequel to tie up all the loose ends, but the fact that there doesn't seem to be one in the making means this film has to go on our hit list.

'The Bunker' - 2001
My boyfriend watched this on BBC1 tonight after the description he read appealed to him, but I just caught a few minutes here and there. Ian told me that it was 90 minutes of his life wasted. What was this film actually about? "Seven German soldiers are enclosed in one bunker during the Second World War. They soon feel surrounded by enemies. When they hear about the tunnel-system beneath the bunker and some mystic events that had occurred in this place, they soon begin to go mad..." That's still all that I know about this film. It never seemed to get going, and when it did it wasn't exactly thrilling.

I'm sure there'll eventually be more films to add, and when there are I'll be sure to tell you all about them :-)

I can drive!

2005-10-09T23:00:00.000+01:00

So this is how it feels to be legal! I passed my driving test first time a couple of days ago, and I haven't been more shocked in a long time. I got two minors for stalling, which irritated me - I haven't stalled in months! But I'm happy :-) I won't be getting my own car just yet but will hopefully be sharing my mum's, so now the only thing to worry about is the cost of insurance!

A novel idea!

2005-10-05T18:53:00.000+01:00

NaNoWriMo = a fab idea. While reading the blogs of people on my Links list, I found info about the weirdly-named project on Southern Bird's site. In the 'About' section of NaNoWriMo there's a sentence which says: "Writing a novel in a month is both exhilarating and stupid, and we would all do well to invite a little more spontaneous stupidity into our lives." That's the premise of the project: write a 50,000 word novel in November, starting at midnight on November 1st and finishing at midnight on November 30th. I've never attempted anything like this before, but writing a novel is on my list of lifetime goals. I know this will be rushed and probably crap, but you know what they say: nothing ventured, nothing gained! Now's as good a time as any to start writing, so why not give it a go? Unfortunately it looks like anything uni-related will probably go out of the window next month, but hey-ho, these things happen.

Speaking of lifetime goals, I've recently started to think of things which I would like to do before I die. One is to write a novel, something I'll hopefully be able to cross off the list soon! Other things on the list include all the typical, generic kind of goals, like riding in a hot air balloon, running a marathon and learning a foreign language (preferably Spanish or Italian, or maybe French since I already know the basics). That's all I've got so far, apart from getting married, having healthy children and being happy. If I think of anything else I'll let you know.

True happiness

2005-10-04T22:22:00.000+01:00

I'm very interested in sociology, psychology and philosophy, as well as the issues of happiness and depression. I was just reading the past weekend's issue of the Sunday Times magazine which I stole from one of my flatmates. I found a really interesting article on how to find true happiness, because, according to recent research, the things we think we want actually make us miserable.

"When two American psychologists studied hundreds of students and focused on the top 10% "very happy" people, they found they spent the least time alone and the most time socialising. Psychologists know that increasing the number of social contacts a miserable person has is the best way of cheering them up. When Jean-Paul Sartre wrote "hell is other people", the arch-pessimist of existentialist angst was wrong."

There you go. Groundbreaking scientific discovery: spending quality time with people you get along with makes you happy. And we didn't already know that, honest.

"Modern humans, stuck with an ancient brain, are like rats on a wheel. We can't stop running, because we're always looking over our shoulders and comparing our achievements with our neighbours'. At 20, we think we'd be happy with a house and a car. But if we get them, we start dreaming of a second home in Italy and a turbo-charged four-wheel drive.

This is called the 'hedonic treadmill' by happiness scholars. It causes us to rapidly and inevitably adapt to good things by taking them for granted. The more possessions and accomplishments we have, the more we need to boost our level of happiness. It makes sense that the brain of a species that has dominated others would evolve to strive to be the best."

This section definitely rings true, but is again quite obvious. Goals such as acquiring a nice house and a good car are based purely on material gain, so these achievements are unlikely to provide lasting happiness.

"Psychologists such as Seligman are convinced you can train yourself to be happier. His team are developing new positive interventions (treatments) to counteract the brain's nagging insistence on seeking out bad news. The treatments work by boosting positive emotion about the past, by teaching people to savour the present, and by increasing the amount of engagement and meaning in their lives.

Since the days of Freud, the emphasis in consulting rooms has been on talk about negative effects of the past and how they damage people in the present. Seligman names this approach 'victimology' and says research shows it to be worthless. "It is difficult to find even small effects of childhood events on adult personality, and there is no evidence at all of large effects."

The tragic legacy of Freud is that many are "unduly embittered about their past, and unduly passive about their future", says Seligman. His colleague Aaron Beck developed cognitive therapy after becoming disillusioned with his Freudian training in the 1950s. Beck found that as depressed patients talked 'cathartically' about past wounds and losses, some people began to unravel. Occasionally this led to suicide attempts, some of which were fatal. There was very little evidence that psychoanalysis worked."

This part really sparked my interest. It turns out that, despite what many psychologists would like to believe, the technique of focusing on past events, particularly bad ones, doesn't hold the key to solving the problems in a person's life. In fact, unlocking painful memories can cause someone to relive these events, and this may have devastating consequences. Instead it seems that concentrating on the positives in a person's life and encouraging them to recognise and be thankful for them is the process which produces more positive and long-lasting effects.

Sorry if this post is quite boring for you. I just wanted to share some passages from the article which provoked a great deal of interest from me. I've long been fascinated by different states of mind and their causes and effects. In the future, perhaps when I reach retirement age and have a wealth of life experience to delve into, I would like to train to become a counsellor. I find other people deeply interesting and would love to find out more about emotions and states of mind, and maybe even be given the opportunity to help people. Someone very close to me once attended one-to-one counselling sessions, one of which I was lucky enough to sit in on. I witnessed an intelligent female counsellor listen carefully and impartially to everything that was said, then respond in a fair, neutral and non-judgmental manner. The counselling proved to be extremely helpful, and it is this which sparked my interest in following this particular career path later in life.

The greatest place on earth

2005-10-03T21:12:00.000+01:00

I was browsing the net earlier and followed a link from Gemma's blog. I subsequently came across these lovely descriptions of my home town. Then, for some reason, I thought you people might actually like to read them. May I just add something though? My beloved home town isn't that bad! And besides, I bet you can't name me one place in the country today which isn't crawling with chavs.

My weekend at home felt brief and very short-lived. I was disappointed to return to Leeds, but I've enjoyed myself today. University was educational, as it should be, and I managed to catch a bus from Leeds city centre to Headingley, and back again, all by myself, even though I hadn't the remotest idea where I was going. You should be proud. The reason I had to go to the university's Headingley campus was for a meeting. The first meeting of writers for LiMe magazine, to be precise. It's a brand new magazine at the university and I'm really excited about getting involved. However, my first assignment doesn't exactly thrill me. I have a whole half-page to fill with an interview with a student of my choice. I'm in charge of the 'Student of the Month' section for this issue. Lucky me. I basically have to find a student whom our readers wouldn't mind reading about too much. Maybe a member of some obscure society, or a member of staff at the student union who could share all their secrets and let us in on a day in their life. See, doesn't the whole idea scream 'genius'? ...Actually I'm just joking. I'm pleased to be involved in this project and I hope this interview, however small it may seem, will be enough to help me get started and find my feet.

Home sweet home

2005-09-30T23:12:00.000+01:00

Well the hot water came on last night, but it was only a momentary comeback. It was gone again in time for my shower this morning. Not that it matters much anyway as I'm going to be away from that place for two whole nights, starting tonight. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying living alone and having complete control over what I do and when. But it's so nice to come back home to a familiar place where I feel comfortable and the people are friendly, welcoming and actually happy to see me. It's nice to feel wanted and included by the people I live with for a change. Part of me really doesn't want to go back on Sunday!

I'm sure I had something more interesting to write about, but it seems to have slipped my mind. One thing I do want to add though is a personal message to Ian. I just want to make sure he knows that I love him very much and would do anything for him. He is my entire life, and nothing and no-one can ever change that. I don't want him to have any doubts about my feelings for him. They're as true and as strong as ever. I'll always love you baby xxx

'Accommodation' is a bit of an exaggeration

2005-09-29T23:18:00.000+01:00

Oh yeah, something I forgot to mention before. When I got back to my flat this afternoon after spending time at Ian's, I came across my two female flatmates frantically scrubbing the fridge with a bleach-soaked cloth. Why? They'd found some visitors, namely in the shape of a few lovely flea-like creepy-crawlies. Luckily the fridge has now been cleaned with bleach and rinsed out, hopefully banishing all traces of these unwelcome inhabitants.

And the other great thing about where I live? We currently have no hot water. I'm really looking forward to my freezing cold shower in the morning. Admit it, you're jealous aren't you?

Weird and wonderful tales

2005-09-29T22:04:00.000+01:00

Every now and then I read a strange news story which makes me stop dead in wonderment. This is one example. Apparently it is now considered a breach of a newborn baby's human rights for someone to stop and look at him or her adoringly. This is no longer regarded as a compliment by staff at Calderdale Royal Hospital in Halifax, West Yorkshire (ironically the home town of my boyfriend, who thinks this story is even more ridiculous than I do). I think this is a little insane. Ok, I can see the point from a medical view; infection in hospitals has become more of a problem in recent years so of course measures need to be taken to try and tackle the issue. But this is going a bit too far. Surely new parents want to show off their babies? And what about the babies themselves? I love this comment sent to the BBC website by a reader: "Has anybody thought that babies may want to be cooed over and that this hospital is violating the rights of vocally-challenged newly-born citizens?" And my boyfriend made a good point too: what about our rights? Does this mean that we can now challenge any action which may be seen as a breach of someone's human rights? Do we now have legitimate grounds to sue someone who happens to look at us in the street? Some of us may feel that a glance from a stranger is a violation of our privacy and personal space. ...I know, it's ridiculous isn't it?

Another story I came across recently was this one from The Guardian. It baffles me as to how some people survive, let alone live, in such squalid conditions. And as for the 100 dead cats? I feel so sorry for them. One thing which really rattles me is the fact that some people have such barbarous, inhuman tendencies that they could even dream of purposefully inflicting harm upon a helpless creature, such as a cat, dog or any other animal which is not killed for purposes such as human survival (e.g. pigs for meat). Don't get me wrong, I'm no radical protester preaching on behalf of innocent creatures, but I do think we should take into account the fact that animals can't verbally demonstrate their pain, whether physical or emotional, like humans can. Inflicting pain on something which doesn't have the ability to fight back is the coward's way out.

And in my own news, I spent a really nice night with Ian last night. It's only with him and my family that I really feel like I can be myself and I love spending time with them. When I'm at uni I often feel like the odd one out who no-one wants to speak to, so it's really nice to spend time with people who know me, like me and appreciate me for who I am. We didn't do much apart from watch the latest instalment of 'Lost', and I was alone while he was out at his evening class for 3 hours anyway, but I love whatever time we get to spend together, no matter what we do. He worries a lot that he can't afford to take me out every night for meals, drinks, trips to the cinema etc, but that doesn't matter to me. Just being in his company is all I crave.

My debut

2005-09-28T18:19:00.000+01:00

For the past month or so, my boyfriend and I have been trying very hard to create a little space for myself on the web; a small corner for me to practice and showcase my writing skills while perusing the thoughts of others. However, it would seem that getting an independent website up and running, complete with a blog with fully-functioning archiving and commenting capabilities, is a lot harder than we had predicted. So we settled on a custom-made template on Blogger ...ta-da! Hopefully, when we get the hang of this web design malarkey, the layout will be transformed into an original design. Until then, this lovely template will suffice.

Since this is really my blogging debut, I'll say a bit about myself. I'm an 18 year old English Literature student at Leeds Metropolitan University, I'm very much taken by an amazing young man, and I would eventually love to carve out a career for myself in the supposedly glamorous and high-flying world of journalism. If that plan doesn't quite pan out, I'd like to teach children (God help me!).

This blog was created by my boyfrien d and myself because I am very passionate about writing and I figured that if I really want to make a career out of it, I'll need to practice. After all, they say practice makes perfect. Aside from this, I've recently begun my first year of an English Literature degree, which I'm currently loving every minute of. And the independent student life suits me down to the ground, which has come as quite a surprise; I've relied on friends and family all my life and never thought I'd be able to cope on my own.

I've always been quite a reserved person, although recent challenges, such as moving to a strange new city where I have no friends, have proved useful in helping me to come out of my shell. Another point about me is that I'm 'too good for my own good', as my better half would say. This apparently means that I'm too afraid of hurting other people, which is very true. I'm a people-pleaser. I don't see a problem with putting my own wants and desires to one side while I succumb to someone else's every whim. I'm hoping my current state of freedom and self-reliance will eventually make me a bit more forceful and ruthless, but in a good way.

Most of my hobbies involve spending time with my loved one (I know you're loving the incessant linking!). Our time is usually filled with deep conversations, long evening walks and crappy, mindless films ('The Hole' and 'Roadkill' are currently top of our hit list!). When alone, I like to read, write and watch TV. Oh, what a wonderful life I manage to lead when there's no-one there to provide entertainment for me.